How to Pass an Employment Survey!

Whether you’re attending University or just going through the motions, employment is a cornerstone of survival. After all, how else is one expected to peruse happiness if not through the hamster wheel of paying bills and going to work? One cannot expect to fulfull the American dream (let alone fight recession and terrorism) merely watching American television, eating American food and shopping at multi-national corporate retail chains. Quite simply, it’s just not enough. If you really want to get your “Yes We Can” on, you need to become dutifully employed by one of these industries. How else can one be expected to afford patriotism? The answer? Success.

At this point you might be thinking: “Gee wiz, I want to be a success! I want to be employed!” But you’re not alone. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, about one in every ten Americans is out of a job! What a bunch of fucking slackers. You don’t want to be one of them do you? Of course not. AND, you are in luck - as most unemployed people simply have yet to learn an attitude of success. This guide will give you the jump-start you need to mold your flabby, cookie-dough mentality into a rigid, subservient, unfeeling one suitable for gainful employment.

The first mistake people make is misdefining success. Primarily, people do not understand that success is not only measurable, but easy to attain! Success cannot be measured with things like: happiness, health, or liberty because, as yet, there is no legally sanctioned unit of value to assign to these imaginary, qualitative, theoretical states. Therefore; success is measured by the value of one’s material properties, skills and account balance, as all nationalized citizens (gays excluded) have equal access to these parameters of success. In this way, success is a responsibility rather than some wishy-washy, hippie-dippy, new-age philosophy that’s based on the biassed and sometimes even politically incorrect inclinations of the individual. Success, rather, is a unit of value that increases as other, larger and more successful entities so too gain value. For instance, selling a wireless communication device you built yourself is not being as successful a person as you could be. After all, can your wireless device play movies, transfer money between bank accounts and sell property in Mafia Wars? Probably not. And even if it did, you would just be stealing business from larger, more successful businesses like Apple and AT&T which, honestly, since they provide charitable employment and meet national standards for environmental safety, are just too big to fail. So, if you ever get confused, success for the individual is measured by the amount of security you can provide to your employer in the form of profit!

Once you truly understand this philosophy of success, you’re practically there already. However, if you still have a few sticking points, I have compiled three of the most frequently missed questions on your average employment application survey. Answering these questions correctly will not only help you stand-out from other applicants but give you better insight into the philosophy of success.

EXAMPLE 1: "When we contact your most recent managers (or teachers), how will they rate your quality of work?

The answer to this question might, AT FIRST, seem obvious. Upon closer inspection, however, we find that the correct answer is B.) “somewhat above average.” The reason is two-fold. As the image shows, this question was numbered 108 out of 134. However, it was also question number 4, 31, 47, 68, 92 AND 108. In affect, this is a test to see if you are mentally capable of lying, forgetting about it and sticking to the story later by sheer habit alone - as this is an important characteristic to have when dealing with customers. Choosing “average,” “somewhat below average,” and “well below average” instantly disqualifies you as it either means you are overly honest or even worse, unprofitable. Choosing “Well above average” will also get you immediately disqualified as it is either an indicator of you being OBVIOUSLY full of shit (since you clearly lost your employment for some reason) or you REALLY ARE too ambitious to be anything more than a threat to the hiring manager’s paycheck. Choose: “somewhat above average” and choose it EVERY time.

EXAMPLE 2:"Usually I will stay with a company, even if I am offered a similar with job with slightly higher pay."

So your future employer wants to know if you’ll just UP AND LEAVE if you’re offered better rewards at a different job. And who wouldn’t? You. That’s who. Your future employer is afraid that you might believe in free-market capitalism and is concerned about hiring people that may pay attention to competitive benefits and pay rate. Take note: This employer will pay minimum wage and has the self-righteous inclination to believe that their training is more valuable than you are. Answering “low” will prove that you’re a liar and answering high means you are unfit for employment. Choose neutral.

EXAMPLE 3: "How do you prefer to pay your bills?"

This question is meant to assess wether or not you, the applicant, pays his or her bills by mail, text, internet, in person or by phone. Acting more like a filter, this question is seeing if the applicant will submit to random and (in this case) arbitrary forays into his/her personal life for benefit of the company. Choosing readily means you’re an ideal applicant. Closing the survey will result in disqualification for employment.

Good luck out there in Job Market ’10! And remember, the company is always right!

Safe From Dissent

The sun burst today open with a cold front
blown down from the North with a new song
Trumpets blow open the anthem of the New Republic -
a New World Order of the shadows

They told us with their new face that everything
can change to what we want it to be; the people, the dream:
Everyone's society - burn out the old wars - no need for
death anymore, just a matter of choice.
Let them choose for you.
Choose for you. Choose for you.
Choose the change that everyone can believe in.

Fiery beauty, moves down the mountain to the ugly valley,
watch out, the sun now turns yellow to orange, as red as blood
flows out now, the gutters flood today.

The day of choice we can believe in the lie we call truth, that we can believe in.
The change of all time, for people worldwide, have chosen the change.
They chose for you.
The choose for you the change we can all believe in.

The beauty of the last day, our Nation surrendered to a New World Order,
Over one-hundred years, day-by-day, we gave it away;
A fucking bloodless coup with a face of all the people.

Let's give up our guns and go along, why not?
I'd rather comply without incident so we can be safe from dissent.

The Four Elements

Marketing is a game of associations. And since most people do not come to decisions logically, but rather, emotionally, this game of associations has large implications. For instance.... ready? ....

Coca-Cola.

What are you thinking of? The color red? Probably. Red is the most emotionally arresting color there is. It also makes you hungry - even warm.

Maybe that bubbly amber concoction fills you with a comfortable notion of family around Christmas time? The Coca Cola Santa perhaps? Is anybody else thinking: Polar Bears? Maybe you associate those delicious reds and whites with being an American, a hip American at that! - the kind that knows how to click into the spirit of eternal youth and utter happiness. After all, check out Coca-Cola.com and you’ll see at the upper left (the first option on the site) is labeled “OPEN HAPPINESS.” This takes you to the “commercials” section. Now, I don’t know if Coca Cola is associated with “Happiness” in my mind, but I’ll tell you what it does reminds me of. It reminds me of being 11 or 12 year olds and spending summer out at Lompoc airport with my father. You see, there used to be a thing called a “coca-cola card” and with this magikal card, well, all I had to do was buy a frosty coke... just one... one frosty, delicious coke and I was entitled to a second game rental FOR FREE. The first game would be a four-player game - something I could stay up playing with my friends, filling the night with laughter, nacho farts and competitive marathons that would last until the sun came up. The second game was something I could sink my teeth into while my father tinkered on aircraft - something to enjoy near the back of the hanger with my nearly undivided attention. Something to keep me busy between riding my bike, taking short flights with my dad and generally sort of fucking around at the airport.

On

Inevitably, the taste of Coca-Cola became linked with the sensation of opening up that shiny, plastic coated, blue and white box containing a brand new Nintendo game cartridge. Exploring the Zora’s domain. Smashing the enemy’s face in with Fulgore’s cyber hands. Infiltrating the embassy as Ethan Hunt. Running from the poo flinging boss in Concker’s Bad Fur Day. I was in heaven. I was hanging out with my dad in his hanger - the most carefree place in the world, oozing with the sensation of male sanctuary. There’s no place like Lompoc Airport when you’re with your dad.

That’s what hits me like a Tsunami coursing its way through my subconscious... every-time I take a sip of Coca Cola. Happiness? Fuck. You tell me. I definitely feel something shortly after cracking a bottle and smelling that distinctive little coke smell emanating from the initiatory hiss.

Marketing is a game of associations.

So, when I stepped into the car and flipped on my radio, I was expecting to hear advertisements. I mean, after all, I do occasionally need to tap into popular culture. Data jockeys need to know if it’s T-Pain or Akon this month. And between tracks filled with product placement for various phone companies and hard liquor - you could glean a lot of information from commercials about that station’s demographic. But what I was hearing now wasn’t a commercial at all. It was something else entirely. It went something like this:

Guy: “Hey! So, what’s with this new bank that I’m now a member of?!”

Girl: “Oh! It’s CHASE BANK! They’re new to California, but they’re a really awesome bank!”

Guy: “Wow! IT really SOUNDS LIKE THIS BANK IS AWESOME! I’m glad I’m doing MY BANKING with such an AWESOME bank!”

Girl: “I know! Just because us Californian’s have never heard of Chase doesn’t mean they’re not the best!”

Guy: “Exactly! I’m going sign up for automatic deposit RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!”

You get the idea. They weren't “selling” you on much of anything - but rather, merely assuring you that although you didn’t have a choice in your change of bank - the right choice was made for you. Now suck it deep down into your brain and start touching yourself. Do IT! DO IT NOW!

::Cough cough:: excuse me.

Now, I’m not here to launch another gigantic anti-bank-paranoia-fest (which I would usually be more than happy to indulge myself in), so, I’m going to focus on CHASE bank’s marketing strategy instead.

Check this shit out.

‘We all shine on... like the [unintelligible] stars and the sun!”

No color can be seen in this commercial. It is all black and white, including the sun, which is permanently eclipsed by the all powerful BLUE CHASE BANK LOGO. See the sun? Good. See the CHASE symbol? Good. Sun. Chase. Sun. Chase. Got it?! Ok. Moving on.

The ATM turns into a surf board.
Water. Swimming. Surfing.

Squeaky, soapy, clean transitions us into breakfast diner.

Steam rising off the coffee. Water evaporates and turns to air.

Air. Sky. Hot AIR balloons. Bubbles in the water.

Swimming turns into a dusty, desert road.

Earth. Motorcycle. Road Trip. Dust.

The Sun, the fire, is presiding over all the other elements of earth - giving light and life to all inhabitants both living and elemental. The Chase Bank logo... well, it’s the one presiding over the sun itself. Sun. Chase. Sun. Chase. Sun. Chase. Light of all things on earth - Chase.

So, to recap, what are the four elements?

-EARTH
-WIND
-WATER
-CHASE BANK

Got it yet?! Suck those mental associations deep down into your psyche. Do it. Now touch yourself. Are you in love with Chase bank yet? You should. It’s the source of all light and life on earth. Suck that mental association, DEEP DOWN INTO YOUR THROAT! OK!? A little bit deeper? Good. A little bit deeper? Good.
 
Now bask in the blue light of Chase’s alien sun.

Do it.

Ok. Now that that’s out of our system... what else can be said in conclusion? Chase’s multi-million dollar marketing campaign is being spent trying to convince YOU, emotionally of something. It’s not about rates, or numbers, or accounts or really much of anything that relates to a science as logical and technical as banking. Their multi-million dollar marketing campaign is being spent trying to create, in our minds, a mental association between THE SUN and THEM. That, the four elements, EARTH, WIND, WATER and FIRE are the essential components to existence and furthermore, the FIRE ELEMENT is completely eclipsed by the blue of the Chase’s Sun. Yes. It’s that simple. Millions of dollars were spent on actors, camera’s, contracted employees and artists to design a campaign centered around this core idea. That money was spent trying to purchase a radical change in emotional perspective from you.

This is a fact.

Here’s where my opinion comes in:

Apollo should be furious.

-Publius

Inglourious Basterds - Movie Review

When I was in high-school, I was just beginning to learn what it was all about. I, frankly, had no idea what I was looking at when I saw the first trailer to Kill Bill Volume 1. I thought, perhaps, I was looking at just a

nother action film. Sword Play? What else? I just didn’t know. And I didn’t know what all the excitement was about when Brett Sullivan and Camillo Alvear were downright giddy over the release of Volume 2. To just about anyone on campus - these characters, Ian Nunley, Kenny Hawley and Jack Reynolds not excluded, were THE FILM CRITICS. These kids had some seriously good taste in movies - and, in true Foothill Technology Highschool style, a killer combination of brains and talent to back up their opinions. These were the kids that always took the assignment to the next level. Not only that - they were already forging indie films; playing with motion, pacing, suspense, cinematography and dramatic tension. So, later, when I finally took the time to sit down and absorb Tarantino’s films... I did so with their perspectives and good taste in mind. Late

r, in college, when I had my first taste of the sticky greens- my evening was met with a finally of watching Pulp Fiction... quietly... by myself... in my room. Up until this point I hadn’t really enjoyed myself. It would not be until later that I would come to enjoy being ripped from the fabric of consensus reality and entering the realm of the shaman. And, I can say with certainty, no other group of chemicals effects me quite as profoundly as the ickiest of the dankiest. That shit STILL throws me for big loops.

But the terrifying, heart-racing madness of the evening all changed when I went to lay down and watch Pulp Fiction. Depth perception sent awry - I was put face to face with Samuel L. Jackson and forced to savour every syllable as he lay his wrath upon a quivering Brad. I had fallen in love. From then on, I could not help but feel complete satisfactions in Tarantino’s long and involved dialogue sequences. They were to be enjoyed for their every nuance and juxtaposed against events entirely unpredictable - both thrilling and brutal. Nobody else made films that satisfied as deeply.

So, when I say that last night “my Tarantino experience came full circle,” I can only wish that others be privileged enough to watch this film in the company of good friends that share a common appreciation for everything good a Tarantino movie can be. I would like to thank these characters, specifically Camillo and Brett - for kicking off the night for me and, in return - I plan to greet you with much gratitude and the ut

most “reciprocation.”

Inglourious Basterds begins with a breathtaking scene. The shots are colorful, symbolic and deeply indulgent in terms of physical depth and creative use of background. It is not uncommon in this film to notice how either background imagery or sound is influencing the meaning of the events in the fore. Sometimes it is a face, perhaps a barking dog - or maybe, in the case of the opening scene, a panning of the french country side through a series of small windows, giving the audience a chance to see a wide panoramic shot of what is “going on outside” without ever leaving the room in which the dialogue is taking place. So, when the lady of the property gracefully moves her hanging laundry to reveal a noticeably black coated party of Nazi soldiers on a long, rising and falling, trail, through the green rolling hills gently kissing the blue sky, right to the front door - you know that this film is going to be visually arresting because of it’s sheer beauty, careful attention to detail and teeth-grinding tension. Over and over - you will have both your senses and your poetic “sensibility” indulged. Oh, and “behind the scenes” sort of people - the costumes are AWESOME! I loved the clothing. The Nazi’s look like motherfucking nazis. Wunderbar!

The dialogue in Inglourious Basterds is much more meaningful and, dare I even say, more immediately relevant to the plot than other Tarantino films. Still though, classic Tarantino dialogue. The intensity and subtleties that the actors express are riveting and the entire mood of a scene can change with the drop of a sentence. At first, the audience was put in the uncomfortable position of deciding when it was

appropriate to

laugh and when it was appropriate to sit, hands sweating, at the edge of one’s seat in complete anticipation of the outcome. Tarantino, as opposed to switching scenes entirely, switches up emotions and brings the audience through a trail of ups and downs, switching from the comical to the dramatic at the drop of a hat. I suspect that not all critics will appreciate this - as it seems inappropriate to bring laughter into a scene when the lives of innocent people are so... deliciously at risk of complete slaughter.

I say to these critics: Fuck em’.

Like life, this movie will throw you a full spectrum of emotions - and it is not uncommon to juxtapose them rapidly at a pace

which keeps the two and a half hour movie fresh and unpredictable. It is impossible to watch a scene with any sort of certainty as to how you should feel or what you should expect - so you are left with no expectations - completely at the mercy of Tarantino’s baffling shifts of whit, use of almost comical amounts of gore, of violence, and his “more traditional” approach to cinematic “high art.” At it’s campiest: Kill Bill. At it’s most dramatic: Shindler’s List.

And it works. Oh my gods, does it work.

Tarantino is delightfully shameless in his use of mashing up classical film-making techniques you’d expect to find in classics like Casablanca with over-dubbing you might expect in a Kung Fu movie.

Once again, you fucking high-nosed tools of Satan’s media: It works.

When you’re through seeing the film - you’ve experienced a feeling of catharsis - as one is left to wonder: “Is that really what I wanted to see at the end of Escape from Sobibor and Shindler’s List? Isn’t that what I really wanted to see at the end of Saving Private Ryan?” The answer is “yeah.” As a kid, you were always wondering how cool it would be to run into a room full of high ranking Nazi officials and just “do it.” Just, shamelessly “do it.” The same way, they “did it” to all those innocent humans. Finally, the shit hits the fan for the Nazi party. And it feels amazing.

If you thought that this movie was too violent or that the shameless murder of Nazi’s is anything less than psychologically liberating - you’re a tool. You’re a tool and you have no idea how much bitter atrocity and suffering that war caused and you are a fool for thinking that we don’t deserve to see fascism die a poetic and thrillingly over indulgent death on the big, huge, gigantic silver screen. After a childhood of History channel - I personally needed to see this this movie. After studying the heart-wrenching battles on the Eastern Front, the combat between Stalin’s USSR and Hitler’s Nazi Germany, you cannot help but pump your fist in total, rock-concert-esque glory at some points in this film. There was nothing good about the Nazis or their outlook on what it meant to be a human - and frankly, although the symbolism and outfits have changed, that mentality lives in so many dark corners of America, that, to me, this film speaks to the ailing heart. This is a feeling that I can only conclude I share with Tarantino. I say this because there are multiple references to the German viewpoint of how Americans treated the “lesser races” and the “slaves” of “their” country. The Nazis call it like it is - giving rise to the darkness in all of our hearts and pull it onto the screen so that it might be mangled, burned, shot and DESTROYED! I mean, really - how many REALLY AWESOME World War 2 movies are there? LOTS. How many movies indulge that little voice that says: “wouldn’t it be great if...?” Oh yeah. ONE. And this movie is called Inglourious Basterds.

10/10

Response from the Governator

A few months ago I wrote a letter to the Governator thanking him for pressing an audit into the California State Budget. I thanked him for expressing a need for fiscal honesty and the integrity of those who are responsible for yadi yadi whatever. I just got a response:

Give it a click.

Open Carry

"It's a political statement," he told The Boston Globe. "If you don't use your rights, then you lose your rights."

That statement was pulled from an AP article posted on Yahoo! covering the completely shocking details of a protest outside where the President was giving a speech. If you don't know, about a dozen of the protesters were openly carrying firearms as they demonstrated, including one AR-15.

Shocking, right? Guns around masses of people? The article cites a lot of people who seem to be concerned about gun-owners practicing their right to carry. Apparently it's a pretty touchy subject, especially so when it involves people in close proximity to each other and political events. Damn. I'm glad that the police have always been responsible enough to be the only side of the line that is authorized, in most places, to carry firearms. Oh, wait.

I live in a city in Colorado where open-carry is legal, but I've never seen it. I'd love to see it. I'd love to see it every time I went out. I'd love to see a stocked holster on every person's hip as they emerged from their car. It's not socially acceptable right now and you know that a majority of suburban mothers would feel it in their hearts to shun the person carrying as they KNOW that somebody's stupid kid will blast his friends face off and onto the wall, or $300 Slim PS3. Good deal, eh? If I hadn't already bought one, I'd head over to Sears aaaaaand - probably just buy a drill-press. Oh look, my birthday is coming up... Anyone? Anyone?

People probably won't fuck with you if they are uncertain, and I mean uncertain in the context of carrying being an option, if they are uncertain that you're carrying. I'm a pretty skinny fellow: 130lbs and 68" and I carry a knife with me about 75% of the time. I'd carry a firearm if I had one, and I'd make certain my wife carried as well if she weren't a mother dead-set on having none in our home, explaining why I don't. Am I concerned that something will happen to us while we're out, while we're at home? Not really, although if my son or my wife and I were threatened, I wouldn't hesitate to blast somebody's fucking skull off of their neck. I'd carry more on principle, one of the few ways that I'd feel proud to be an American. And yeah, there is always that chance. I may as well mention, target shooting and sport hunting are actually a pretty good time.

I find it inspiring when people break social norms an execute their personal rights as granted by the Constitution. Like tits on TV - firearms are good to see shown off around town, pretty reasonable and not as offensive as people make it out to be, but it's just not normal to see in cities. The more exposure to publicly displayed firearms that people receive then the less shocking it will be, just like breasts.

I praise people who promote freedom through protest, even when carrying firearms is perfectly within legal boundaries so it shouldn't be considered protest! I don't intend to focus entirely on gun-rights, which, along with the fact that I'm terrible at writing essays, only wrote this as commentary to something that I read online. Outlaw guns, and only the outlaws will have guns.

Oh shit, I just read up on the Colorado laws: it's a misdemeanor to carry a concealed knife, I think. I should read more into it.

Common Sense

As posted by Publius:

America isn't ready for a third party because apparently we're not ready for any party. Neither party represents the people - or reflects the struggle that it means to be an American today. It's all a dog and pony show to aggrandize themselves and produce more money for the people that keep them in power. The Americans choose to, as Thomas Paine wrote in Common Sense, to suffer the suffer able because it is preferred to making any sort of uncomfortable change. Americans have no imagination and absolutely no clue how to create a healthy republic because they have lost their capacity for understanding a larger idea than their bills and their car and keeping their daughter's boyfriend's penis in his pants. They, quite simply, cannot imagine life being any different than it is - and certainly have no higher aspirations for their country or the world as a whole. They are oblivious to the idea that they are citizens of the world, or the cosmos for that matter.

The election of Barrack Obama by the same people who voted "Yes on 8" to REMOVE the constitutional civil rights of a minority group (using the majority vote) is the finest evidence we have for proving that America understands NOTHING but clever marketing. For clarification, you can dress up the election of the first black president as a step towards civil rights - but it be only a total FARCE because the same voting base voted to REMOVE the civil rights of a minority group on the same ballot. Those people who voted Barrack Obama can cry and chant and sing "we will overcome" all day- but it's because they have a deep emotional connection to commercials and television personalities. They cry because they must. They cry and faun over Barrack Obama because they MUST convince themselves they are apart of "change." They do this because they have been denied "change" and have been denied a revolution in their heart and their country. This is merely the next toke of the cigarette to get them through the day.

They can sing "we will overcome" but it does not stem from a deep and intelligent empathy for the blacks that broke their back growing our tobacco and picking our cotton to sustain the economy of a fledgling America. It is not out of joy for overcoming slavery because slavery HAS NOT BEEN OVERCOME. Those same idiots dress themselves in the blood of children who create their clothing over seas. They are the overseer and the slave driver trying to atone for their sins in some sort of idiotic consumerist-religious experience. They are the leather-necked slave driver in church on Sunday speaking in tongues to Jesus Christ. They are idiots and have lost their way.

We're doomed unless a miracle happens to change the spiritual fiber of this world. Doomed.

But that's o.k. They'll all die someday and come face to face with the hell they had created in their human heart... with only the bittersweet familiarity of death and cosmic unity to greet their temporary and fleeting ignorance. They will be ashamed and return to try again... as we've been doing for a while. "lol, oops, fucked that one up - better give it another cycle."

DISTRICT 9 - Movie Review

So. I can’t say I expected much from District 9. Rumor had been going around that it was created by the same team tasked to produce the Halo movie before negotiations fell through. Frankly, I’ve never been impressed by Halo. I’ve always seen Halo as a (albeit expertly designed) testosterone infused clone of Unreal Tournament featuring gratuitously shiny, rigid and sterile character models that resemble football players shooting super soakers. So, needless to say, I really wasn’t expecting much from District 9 either - as I expected to see a bunch of brain-dead, muscle-milk drinking space marines shooting it out with a horde of brain-dead, muscle-milk drinking aliens.

Baring my expectations in mind - I made damn sure to be pretty well intoxicated before entering the movie theater. It was a midnight showing (my favorite) and the lines were practically non-existent. I had 9 fluid ounces of vodka beginning to course through my bloodstream and after a rousing game of Time Crisis 4, was ready to sit down and absorb the film.

Shortly after the opening sequence it became clear that I was going to have to chase all that vodka with my poor expectations of the film... as the audience was forced to lean off the edge of their seat, completely slack-jawed at what they were witnessing on screen. Immediately it was apparent that this movie was not going to disappoint.

The film is shot entirely in what us gamers have come to call “roadie cam” or “CNN cam.” This means that the audience experiences the movie much in the same way they might experience the evening news or, in this case, a riveting documentary. District 9 made masterful use of this format to drive the plot forward using “ interview commentaries” to foreshadow events and simulate a journalistic view of the plot unfolding. Furthermore, the action feels visceral, realistic and - in lieu of the plot - cold and unsettling.

As not to ruin the plot I care only to say that this film deals intelligently with themes of “humanity” and how it relates to betrayal, racism and apartheid. The film goes as far to take glimpses into the gritty and frightening prospect of uncontrolled globalism, military industrial complex and private “security” outfits. Humanity is definitely in some deep shit in this film. Other than that - I don’t care to spoil any of the plot.

As far as entertainment value and action is concerned - it’s top notch. It’s explosive, brutal, satisfying and manages to have moments that are both heart-wrenching and other times downright hilarious.

I care only to continue by saying that DISTRICT 9 is a MODERN SCI-FI MOVIE for a globalized, information age world. This is how we do Sci-Fi in 2009 folks. Finally. There needs to be a sequel because like the evening news, it leaves a lot of ambiguities and mysteries to be revealed. And we want to nom nom on the delicious mysteries.

Go see this film.

9/10

Bakkheia Republic

As you may now see, the blog is back up. Expect more.

PDS

So as S.Walter.K carries on that fabled Palm Desert enhanced Tanzen dream, picking up a pen at least every other day to scribe ideas to paper, this blog is still defunct. Also among the dead: Bakkheia Republic's Facebook group; good job, everyone, although I don't blame you seeing as how our only true virtual headquarters is still, defunct.

Not Found

If or when this Google/DoS attack on our blog has relinquished its grip on our feeble attempt to fix America, I'll archive this sign-in-for-access-only dialog into a single entry to portray our persistence through tough times! I'll do it now. And let's get on Google to fix our shit.

And yes, Bakkheia Republic on Facebook. Join or die!

Publius, 7/10/09

Where did we go? I can't find us anywhere.

all URL's lead to oblivion!

S.Walter.K, 7/10/09

Yeah dude I noticed! It warned that we were getting a br.com, and for a few days offered options, but they switched us over before getting it to work right! Fuck!

Nick C, 7/17/09

What happened i dont know but we will keep the Movement going on Facebook, at least that can be our vent.

CYBERWAR!

Long story short? It's going down on the internets. Today the New York Times announced that the 4th of July weekend did not only contain the insulting North Korean missile salvo display - but numerous cyber attacks to both American and South Korean networks. Sounds scary right? Well. Sort of. Not nearly as scary as say ZOMBIES!!!

...well, actually...

it mother-fucking-IS.

"In the attack, an army of thousands of “zombie computers” infected by the hackers’ program were ordered to request access to these Web sites simultaneously, causing an overload that caused the sites’ servers to crash, South Korean officials said." (Source: New York Times)

Sounds scary right? The National Intelligence Service was quoted as saying "This is not a simple attack by an individual hacker, but appears to be thoroughly planned and executed by a specific organization or on a state level..." Whoa. That shit sounds serious. There must be some super-cybernetic h4x0r bad-ass mother fuckers out there fuckin' up our shits on the internet!!! Well... actually, if you read closely, a few South Korean government websites really just had a base case of "slow access." Typical symptoms of a Ddos attack. What is a Ddos attack?

Fuck it. Let's see how to do one ourselves.

"the Blue House said in a statement. 'Computer users in some regions still suffer slow or no access at all to our site.'"

What does this all mean? The United States government will be creating a new Cyber Defense Department on the grounds of a few thousand DDoS attacks? Srsly? Isn't that one of things that 4chan users do to disrupt the poorly managed KKK website alongside with the occasional raid on Habbo Hotel? Is it really necessary?

Ok! Maybe it is.

More news on CYBERWAR(!) as time passes. Oh. And Bakkheia Republic is not responsible for any stupid shit you do after watching the embedded youtube video. If you want, you can blame them. They have more money than us. And always will.

Watch out for zombies.

Sauce:

Obama Announces Cyber Defense Department

Pentagon Plans for New Arm - CYBER DEFENSE

The United States 2009 Discretionary Budget

I'm going to keep this one short and to the point. This image may shock some of you but this is what our money has come to and this is what your government does with it. This is not a left wing or right wing issue. This is a issue of a massive bloated government.

Letter to GNC.

"I just wanted to say that I think it's downright chilling you do not pay part-time employees "time and a half" for working on Independence Day. The Fourth of July, 1776 really means something to our country. For a company that grew out of the heartland of our Nation (during the Great Depression mind you) -it really shows a lack of respect to your employees, your country and our veterans (like my father) who sacrificed everything in the line of service.

On the homepage you have a link to inform people of how our freedoms are being abridged by the FDA and other regulatory agencies. I agree with you. But, really - why do you deserve more freedoms? You don't value your part-time employees or your country enough to compensate them for working through the most important Holiday we celebrate as Americans. The Fourth of July, Independence Day.

Not to mention, it's 2009. Our country is fighting two wars. The job market and economy (especially in California) is in serious trouble. Your part-time employees are struggling to survive.

God Bless.
-Luke"

I urge the rest of you to stand up for what is right and what is yours.

Public Airwaves

WAR ON THE INTERNET

"In short, America's economic prosperity in the 21st century will depend on cybersecurity." -President Barack Obama, May 29th, 2009.

In 2001 I was beginning high-school. I had just moved cities due to a divorce. Shortly after, I gained a computer in my bedroom for the first time. It didn't take me long to learn about a program called "morpheus" from my peers at school. I had heard a few things about something called "Napster" - a tool (as it would be explained to me) that made it possible to STEAL music via the Internet. And now, I had something comparable. This "morpheus" worked as follows:

1.) Type in an artist name and hit "search."

2.) Highlight results, click "download."

3.) Play Counter-Strike, jerk off, go to bed, wake up and discover all the FREE FUCKING MUSIC that was now waiting for you on your hard drive.

Since then... nothing has been the same. I began what any adolescent male with a passion for music did: download EVERYTHING. I mean, why not? How on God's blood-stained earth was I ever supposed to pay money for music? I was fourteen years old.

That was the first time I ever knowingly took a criminal risk. Once I was past that hurdle - I was peddling burned CDs per order for lunch money between classes. You wanted a mix of Sublime, Nelly and Blink 182, I could get it for you the next day. All it would cost you is five bucks.

How did I get away with it? Well, I had a CD burner and an internet connection. That's all you needed.

Without "free music" I never would have discovered hip-hop. I never would have purchased my first Tool album. I never would have, later down the line, become a Dj. Why? The cost of music would NEVER have allowed me to discover the sounds I loved most. The cost of music never would have allowed me to discover that part of myself - an indispensable passion and drive that propels my every step today.

My only other option was to acquire my musical taste from another "pathway" of "communication." The problem was, this other "pathway," was (as I would later learn) bought, owned, regulated, divvied out, subscribed to, abridged, chopped up with advertisements and censored. Can you guess what other "publicly owned" means of "communication" I am talking about?

Television.

But... wait... Isn't television just a never ending loop of mediocre bullshit put out by FIVE companies - filling spaces between advertisements for the sole purpose of generating endless revenue?

Oh yeah. It is. So why the fuck would I care to flip on MTV and watch the same ten songs on rotation all day? That is, besides the fact that 90% of the programming has little or nothing to do with music? Either way, it didn't concern me. The people watching television programming were paying me five bucks a pop to burn a few tracks the boob tube couldn't provide.

It had become clear. The internet wasn't just for sending letters to grandma, looking up pictures of F/A-18 Hornets and sneaking into weird chatrooms when Mom wasn't looking. It was a living, breathing and ever changing place. People interacted from all over the world on THEIR terms, mostly. It was a place filled with confusing terminology and manual configurations. It was limited only by imagination and technical intelligence.

it was more than free. it was a place of Freedom.

"For all these reasons, it's now clear this cyber threat is one of the most serious economic and national security challenges we face as a nation." -Obama addressing "cyber terrorism" via foreign governments, loyalists and rogues.

Apparently, we're in danger. What if hackers take down our power grids? What if they hack the economy and blow it up?! WHAT IF?!

Excuse me for being childish. But I fear what President Obama's "new office" will have the power of regulating. Yeah - we need to defend our networks from attacks. But the following statement sent chills up my spine.

"From now on, our digital infrastructure -- the networks and computers we depend on every day -- will be treated as they should be: as a strategic national asset."

What the fuck? Now the internet is not only going to be treated like a strategic corporate asset but a national one too? I don't mean to sound like a paranoid idiot - but, really - how long until the power from this new office is heinously abused so badly that the internet is transformed into a disgusting, over-homogenized piece of corporate property like the television?

The Bakkheia Republic will be covering the progress of this new "cyber security" office closely and blowing whistles regarding the defense of net neutrality - as these two concepts have yet to reach a definitive and foreseeable meeting point.